What was your favorite activity as a child?
Playing with my paper dolls. I loved my paper dolls. I still have them packed away somewhere in my basement. I remember going to Homecoming my freshman year on a Friday and then playing with my Paper dolls on a Saturday while watching Saved by a Bell. I used my imagination and played for hours.
I compromised with him, if he would pay for the ticket, I would pay for the room. So that is what he did, he worked hard and earned the money and bought the tickets. Bob paid for his own but coming up with 1500$ as a 17 year old is a hard feat. I was very proud of him. We took that long trip over and Collin spent every second he could with Thao. We got to meet her family, got to see the beautiful island of Oahu and just relax ourselves. It was magical, just like every time I have been there.
Of course you can't forget the amazing food, the banana pancakes, the Vietnamese food we got with Thao and her family and seafood and desserts.
I was so happy that Collin and Thao got to finally meet. I'm rooting for their adorable love story.
This birthday was a difficult one for me. I turned 50. It was difficult, 50 is old for me, my parents both passed away in their 50's. It means I'm so much closer to the end of my life. I know, I know... logically I know that my parents are the anomaly, most people don't pass away before retiring. But that fear of 50 was not a logical fear.
So having told you the above, how amazing is my husband. He tells me a week before that we were going away for the weekend of my birthday. He wouldn't tell me where but finally told me we were flying somewhere. I was beyond frustrated because, grrr I hate surprises... (its a control thing, I'm working on it - Bob is helping...clearly)
So, we get packed, get in the car, get to the airport and finally he tells me he is taking me home. Home as in back to Georgia. Back to my roots. We got in the plane, landed in Atlanta, got a rental car, drove to Warner Robins where he had booked a room.
The next morning, we went to Hawkinsville, put flowers on my parents and sister's grave, went by my old home which is now empty and should be torn down and just around Hawkinsville. But it was so neat to show Bob where I grew up, my history.
I got to see my stepmother Angie, I had her on my mind for a while and was so happy I got to see her and my stepsister Melissa. Just this week, I found out Angie passed away and I'm so grateful, I saw her one more time.
That evening, Bob said we were going out, that I should dress up. However, he was coming in and out of the room, saying he needed to stretch his legs or that he needed to do something. I kinda thought something was up. Then we got on the elevator, and I asked him are we going to dinner.. alone? And he said nope... out of the elevator, there was Jody and Tonya with pizza, a cake, a tierra and sash and more of my friends from my childhood kept coming in. It was so amazing. I got to see some of my friends that I haven't seen for years. I loved it.
The next morning, we went to see Betty - Tonya's grandma in her nursing home and then we went to Tonya's for some amazing food and fun times.
The next morning we flew home. The boys while I was gone had decorated the house with balloons and streamer, they had made me a cake and they had gotten me presents!! That was pretty amazing too.
Overall, I felt so very, very loved and it made turning 50 not bad. It made me see how blessed I am in this life.
Personal History #8: What was your childhood bedroom like?
My childhood bedroom changed, when I was younger, I shared a room with my sister Tonya. We had barbies and paper dolls and we would play often with them. As I got older, Tonya moved back and forth to her moms and then back to her dads (with us). We had a bunk bed then. I was infatuated with Kirk Cameron from the show Growing Pains, so I had posters of him all over my wall. Later, 21 Jump Street came on the air and I found Johnny Depp to be so cute, so slowly my Kirk Cameron posters were replaced with Johnny. I had a stereo, I don't remember when I got it, but that was usually playing on the local rock radio station, or a tape of some type. When I was in high school, Tonya and I got TVs in our room, and from that point my bedroom was in full teenage mood. I try to remember that when my teenager basically never comes downstairs from his room anymore, that this is exactly what I did too. I kept my paper dolls though, all through childhood and even have them now somewhere in my basement.
3/23/2024
A few years back, 22 years to be exact, I was holding this little baby, I was his whole world, he was my greatest love (at that time, 2 more great loves came a few years later). This little baby, grew and grew and in what seems like a blink of my eye, he was running around, playing with friends. Then another blink and he was looking at girls, he had girlfriends, he had heartbreak and then one day he told me about a girl he liked. He asked if she could come over, she was shy but sweet and kind, I could tell she liked my Clayton and I could tell he really liked her as well.
Time went on, months, then years. Finally, my baby boy and this amazing young lady decided to get make their love official. My heart was both happy/excited/elated but if you can believe it, I also had moments of sadness, not for sweet couple, but for the official loss of my baby boy. He now, as he should, will cleave to his wife, I love that. I love that he has found his person.
Cregan states one evening, I'm going to Detroit next week for the Me-lee Tournament. Of course , I had questions, what is a Me-lee, where are you staying, how are you getting there, so on and so forth.
Well a Me-lee tournament is a gathering of gamers in Detroit, there's many different events happening that weekend, but the main event is the Super Smash Brothers tournament that happens on Sunday afternoon.
I was wary of Cregan going to a different state, not because he isn't capable of doing it, but his car might not have been. He had no plans on where he was staying yet and that frightened me too. Oh, and besides his car being questionable, it didn't lock, like at all, so that made me a little nervous. I asked him if he would mind me taking him and for a birthday gift paying for the room and food for the weekend. He finally agreed. We set off for Detroit, spent Friday night with Julie and then started to the event on Saturday. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was actually really fun, there were 100's of teens, young adults there, some in costume, some not. But everyone harmoniously in tune to this gaming world that Cregan lives in. And Sunday when the tournament was in the final rounds, the group all watching the event on the big screen, it was exciting and inviting, even for someone that can hardly figure out the buttons on the controllers, to cheer for the winners.
Asked the boys what they wanted to do, there response, stay home, do nothing. Asked if they would be up to something. Collin's response not if I'm going alone with you and Bob, "that's just weird".
So we compromised, Chicago with Collin and Alex. Cregan stayed home and worked and took care of Nacho.
The first thing we did was go on an agriculture river boat tour. I love that, I love learning the history of that amazing city. We ate amazing food, we toured and shopped and shopped.
Not sure what there favorite part of the trip was but I really loved taking them to Gordon Ramsey's burgers.
Where did you grow up? What do you remember about this place?
I grew up in many places. I moved from England in the 1st grade to Georgia, and then never really lived in the same house for more than 2 years until I was in the 8th grade, moving from Georgia to South Carolina once.
But when I turned 13 we moved to a small middle Georgia town named Hawkinsville, population under 4000. It is famous for few things, the Harness Festival, which is horse race and a football player, Charles Johnson who played for the Carolina Panthers. But that was when my parents bought a little piece of land and a single wide trailer in the middle of a Georgia red clay dirt road.
It was in that house that I meet and kept some of my closest friends. It was here that I made countless memories, some good, some bad, some funny, some very sad.
My parents expanded the 2 bedroom home very slowly, first they added a large front porch in the front of the home. That was torn down eventually and they built a dining room/sitting area in the front and an additional room. Then one weekend my step dad had a friend drop asphalt down on the dirt driveway and we all raked it as flat as we could. That driveway ended being one bumpy, lumpy mess but we had done it.
One year I had gotten a tree for Arbor Day, I planted it in the corner of the front yard, year after year I would watch as the tree got larger and larger. My mom decided to get chickens at some point, I remember the stupid rooster attacking everyone that tried to collect eggs.
A few years back while visiting my sister, we went to the trailer. It was abandoned and we snuck in. We were both struck with immediate nostalgia, but also I was shocked at how small the house was now. In my memories it was a much larger place. I realized that it was all the family events, dinners, holidays, my moms knick knacks and 1000's of other little things that filled that now empty space that made it feel bigger.
I'm often saddened that I have no home to go back to. My friends and family who have their parents still around and essentially their childhood home still around never quite understand how blessed they really are to have it. I feel like the loss of my parents and my childhood home attached to that loss, made me appreciate the everyday moments that I have with my children, they push me to make each holiday, event, birthday that much more special and precious. I know my children dont appreciate that, but someday they will and that is all that counts.
Personal History #5
Do you have siblings? Write about them.
I'm loving writing about my personal history. I've wanted to do this for a long time, primarily for me but also for my kids. Many of the people that I'm writing about in these entries, my kids have never met and that includes most all my siblings.
I have a lot of siblings, half, whole and step...
Keven Young - my oldest brother, he was my mom's first child with her first husband. I think I met Kevin when I was a baby, I don't know much if anything about him. I have tried to touch base with him for years through social media but have never been able to get him to respond. He has red hair, lives in Australia.
Christopher Young - my mom's 2nd child. I met Chris when my sister passed away in 1989. I remember he was very kind. Chris also lives in Australia. He most recently got married, he travels a lot.
Ian Lee - My bonus brother. If you read my post about my mom, you will find out that Ian was given up for adoption as a baby. I never knew he even existed until 2001. I got to meet him when I went to England twice. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. He works in construction, lives in England. Married and has 3 kids.
Michaela Miller Rabon my oldest sister. My mom's first daughter. Mickey is what she went by was the product of my mom and her boyfriend Gus. She was raised by my mom and dad and I didn't know she was a half sister until I was in double digits. Mickey had 3 kids - Benjamin, Matthew and Meggan. I would go spend the summers with her and her family. Even though I was younger than her, she was always kind, inclusive and loving to me. She was killed by a drunk driver in 1989 while her, her husband and her 3 kids were heading to dinner.
Carl Miller - my only full sibling. Carl lived with our dad and I would see him every other weekend. Carl joined the marines after high school. He was married a few times but never worked out. Most recently, he found a long ago love again (from high school) and they eloped in 2022. He seems very happy. He has a son, Ty, I was so happy when he told me he was having a son. I'm pretty sure the Miller name was going to end with him.
Eric Stoker - my step brother. Eric is my step brother from my dad and his wife Angie. Funny story about my step mother and step siblings. We knew Angie and Joe when my parents were married and stationed in England. I played games with Eric and Melissa when I was just a little kid. Eric is married to a Melissa and they have 2 children - Savannah and Hudson.
Stephanie Pierce - my step sister. Stephanie was my step sister from my mom and my step dad Jody. Stephanie was 3 years older than me, she was always liked by anyone who met her and if you really got to know her, it was hard not to just love her. She was killed while driving to work back at 1994. She was engaged and had already picked out her wedding dress. Both myself and my younger sister Tonya wore her wedding dress in our first marriages in honor of her.
Melissa Stoker - my step sister. Melissa was Eric's sister. She was a year younger than me, we were close growing up, even though I only saw her every other weekend. Melissa has one daughter, Cora from her first marriage. She remarried a few years back and she seems really happy. We haven't really stayed in touch, its hard when I live so far away.
Tonya Curry - my step sister. Tonya is Stephanie's younger sister. Tonya is 3 years younger than me. We are the closest out of all my other siblings. Most of this is due to the loss of Mickey and Stephanie and my mom and step dad. We feel like we are all that is left of our family unit growing up, and truthfully we are. Tonya came into my life when she was 3 and I was 6, and we lived together for the most part the majority of the time. Tonya was married to Robert and had Alex, they divorced and then she married Jason and had Jody.
I'm still getting used to Collin being 16, I still see this little baby that was my best buddy and sidekick. He is now so grown up, way taller that me, almost taller than Cregan even. This weekend he went to his 2nd high school dance. This time it was the winter formal. Both times he went to just hang with friends. Even though I encouraged him to ask a girl to the dance, he said naw he was good. He still doesn't see what the world sees when they look at him, a funny, handsome, kind young man.
Many of us, including me tend to see our imperfections instead of our positives, I just wish he could see what everyone else sees. He did tell me that he danced this time, so that's an improvement from the last dance.
Write about your dad. What would you like people to know?
Here's the truth, I don't know a lot about my dad. I lived with my mom full time, but every other weekend I would go to his house and 2 weeks in the summer. When I would go every other weekend, it wasn't like I was spending quality, one on one time with my dad. My dad remarried shortly after I moved to Georgia, I was probably around 7 or 8. I had a step sister Melissa that I would primarily hang out with on my weekends at my dads. Melissa was a year younger than I was. My dad loved sports. He coached Melissa's softball teams for many, many years. Some of my fondest memories are throwing the ball with him, I was never very good at it though.
Here are some things I knew about my dad. My dad retired from the Air Force and then started working for the post office. My dad was born in Mississippi. My dad had a poor heart, some is due to hereditary, his dad passed away when he was in high school, however a lot probably had to do with drinking and smoking. I loved my dad, despite not really knowing him very well.
I remember the last time I saw my dad, I was about to move to Kansas and wanted to see him before I moved. He had just moved out of my Aunt Karen's house after going through a divorce. It was around 230 and he was very drunk, while I was there he went to sit in a chair and missed, he fell over and tore his skin on his forearm. The skin was like paper, it just folded onto itself. I found his first aid kit, cleaned it as best I could, wrapped it. I was so mad that he was so drunk that I poured out the liquor in his kitchen, he was really mad at me for that. I left shortly after that and that was the last time I saw him alive. He passed away in his sleep in the next couple of months. I was so sad that I didn't really tell him goodbye, that I had argued with him the last time I saw him.
Recently I asked my aunt to email some things about my dad. I cried after I read it, so much I didn't know about my dad and his side of the family. The following is some of what she told me.
"Your dad joined the Air Force after he graduated from high school in 1970. Everyone loved Carl, especially the girls. Being 4 years younger I adored him. He was a STAR athletic-catcher in baseball, tackle and fullback in football, and forward in basketball.
After church on Sunday nights, he would take me and Karen to the local tastee freeze for ice cream. After that we would go to a long bridge where Carl along with his friends would drag race. Of course, mama did not know about this adventure. He would make me and Karen get out of the car and stand by the road before he raced. He said he did not want us to get hurt."
I'm thankful that I have the little bit I do know about my dad. He wasn't a perfect man, he made a lot of poor choices in his life. But he was my dad, he loved me the best he knew how.
Personal History 3: Write about your mom? What would you like people to know?
My mom. She was a free spirit. She lived her life not really thinking of consequences or concerning herself with what ifs and for that I totally admire and adore her.
My mom probably didn't have the easiest of lives. Her father abandoned her mom, my nanny after World War 2. My nanny married a wonderful man after a time (my granddad) but I have to think it must of impacted her.
My mom had an older brother, John. A sister Maureen, who passed away when I was very young and a younger brother Martin.
My mom married very, very young to her first husband Brian. I think she was 16 or 17 at the time. She had 2 son from this marriage, Kevin and Christopher. I am not sure what happened, and I am only guessing on the time line of events but at some point things got rocky for the couple. My mom met someone else and got pregnant with my brother Ian. My mom and Brian separated, my mom had custody of the boys for a little bit, I know she stated they struggled financially and things were very difficult for her. This I believe because what happened next, given the fact that my mom is forever in my mind as the most amazing mom ever, had to be the most difficult thing she has ever done.
My mom gave Brian custody of Kevin and Christopher. Brian got a job offer in Australia and took the boys from England to Australia. I know this was heartbreaking for my mom. But what she did next broke her a little. She gave Ian up for adoption. My mom told me for the next 25 years that she lost a baby at childbirth and would always tear up on New Years Eve because that was his birthday. It wasn't until the last year of her life that I found out I had another brother, that's a post for another time.
At some point after giving up her children, she met a man named Gus. She fell in love and got pregnant with my sister Michaela or Mickey. Things didn't pan out with Gus, he was stationed back in the US and was actually planning for my mom and Mickey to come be with him when she met my dad and ended up married to him. She had my brother Carl and later me.
My mom and dad divorced but not before she moved to the states from England. My dad had custody of my brother and my mom had custody of me. My mom met Jody and married him. It was not an easy start to their marriage and I often resented him because there was a lot of fighting in the first few years of the marriage. My mom is a little bit of a spit fire though, I can't say she probably didn't provoke or instigate the many arguments.
Life moved on, my mom got older. Life became less dramatic, she worked hard for not a lot of money. She struggled financially most of her life. And although we had a modest single wide trailer, it was homey.
My mom most days could be seen sitting in the kitchen with a cigarette reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle. She was an avid reader.
My mom loved a clean home, even now the smell of bleach triggers sweet memories of my mom.
For me, she was the epitome of love. I had no doubt, not a shred of hesitation that I was loved, that I had a home when I was in her presence. That she would fight for me, protect me and be there for me in anyway possible. I felt secure in this world as long as I had her in it.
In 1999 my step dad collapsed with septicemia from not taking all his antibiotic after receiving dental work. It was touch and go for a long while but eventually he was allowed to come home and my mom took care of him, she was working full time and raising her grandson Ben (Mickeys son - she had been killed in 1989 by a drunk driver) at the time as well. Sometime in 2000 she collapsed. At first doctors questioned whether she was a closet alcoholic or drug user, which was insane and insulting. My mom rarely drank and told me she had tried pot once in her life and didn't like the way it made her feel so she never tried it again. Her vice was smoking cigarettes. Once I got the doctors to look past their initial theory and do more testing, that is when the brain tumor to her brain stem was found.
My mom went in for surgery to have it removed, unfortunately it was suspected that the tumor was in her brain for a long length of time (like from childhood) due to the veins and arteries running through it and they were unable to remove all of the tumor. My mom came home and started radiation therapy. It was at this time that I moved home to take care of her and my step dad. Ben left and moved back to his fathers.
It was at this time my mom and I had loads of conversations about her life. She finally told me about Ian. Ian had gone to the adoption agency and this allowed my mom to receive letters from him and talk to him on the phone.
My mom passed away in May of 2001. The tumor grew back with a vengeance after my the stress of my step dads passing in March of that year and my mom collapsed shortly afterward. She was brought home on hospice and for the last weeks of her life she was non responsive with a glazed look on her face. The day she passed, part of my heart was forever broken, my world forever askew, my existence has never quite been the same.
That is what I want people to know about my mother.
She could forever change you just by knowing her. It wasn't just me either. It was all who truly felt her love. They were affected. She was a presence... a hot blooded, quick tempered southern british speaking blonde that loved fiercely and stood her ground no matter what. I so wish my boys could have met her, she would have loved them so much. I know I will see her again, I know she watches over me still.
#2: When and where were you born?
My dad was in the Air Force. He actually met my mom at a pub while stationed in England. My mom had my sister at the time, she was just a baby. My dad and mom were married shortly after meeting and soon had my brother. They traveled from England to Mississippi where my dad was from, I am not sure but he may have gotten out of the military for a while at this point? At some point he was back in the military and stationed in California. It was at this time that my parents considered divorce. My dad had orders to go to Germany, my mom was working for a family in California and according to stories she told me she wanted to stay there.
My mom had recalled she had a history of "women problems" and was considering getting a hysterectomy. She went to the OBGYN to have the hysterectomy pretesting done and found out, that surprise, she was pregnant with me. She and my dad reconciled and she went to Germany where she had me at a military base hospital.
My parents stayed together a few more years after my birth. We all moved back to England before I was a year old. My dad was stationed at Robins Air Force Base in Georgia and left England with my brother at some point. Shortly after, with ideas of reconciliation again my mom, my sister and myself moved to Georgia, I was 6 years old.
My parents didn't end up reconciling, but both found other people and both remarried.
As I mentioned in the last entry, I'm trying to write more personal history so here goes
1. Write about your name. Where did it come from ? What does it mean?
My birth name is Mandy Leigh Miller.
I have always hated that my name was simply Mandy and not Amanda. I thought the name Mandy made me sound vapid and spacey and that Amanda was a name with some depth.
When I was younger, I thought it would be nice for people to call me Leigh but that didn't quite pan out. I simply was a Mandy. The name Leigh was given to me by my godfather, not sure who he was really as he wasn't involved in my life. But he must have been important to my mom and dad at some point to be given the honor of caring his name. These are the questions I yearn to ask my parents, but alas can not.
I do
remember asking my mom once when I was younger why she called me Mandy, she told me it was from a set of books called Milly Molly Mandy. I actually have some in one of my trunk stashes with items from my teenage years, I've never read them but I have them.
I know, if I had been a boy, my name would have been Cregan. It was my great grandfathers name and I ended up naming my middle child that name. It is unique and he fits it, he is pretty unique himself.
My new years resolution is simple, I need simple because if its complex or requires much effort, lets face it, I won't even start it.
Anyway, I have felt pressure for years to write down my personal history, not only for myself but for my children. Having lost so many family members, I often feel like the opportunity has passed me by but recently I had an aunt send me an email about my dad, I learned so much that I didn't' know.
I found this form on Pinterest and I'm giving it a try, seems simple enough
Mother's Day is always bitter sweet for me. I lost my mom in 2001, the same year I became I mom. I was pregnant with Clayton, swollen ankles, waddling posture while burying my mom and step dad. It was a horrific time, but the moment I held my baby boy in my arms, all my trauma of loss only a few month earlier, all the moments when I felt I just could not bear to be in this world without my mom in it too, all the fear of how was I going to handle this life without my mom, was instantly washed away. I looked at this beautiful boy and just knew, right away, that I was his mom, and he would know he was loved.
I miss my mom, even now, 21 years later, I ache to hear her voice telling me how much she loved me, to feel her arms wrapped around me securing me in my place in the world. Also, I know I was lucky enough to have a perfect example of what a mom should be for 26 years! I knew I was loved unconditionally, I call myself very lucky to have her as long as I did.
I hope I can be that type of mom to my 3 boys, because each one of my boys is so very loved by their mom. And I'm so very lucky to be their mom! Happy heavenly Mother's Day Mom
August 14, 2021, around 10a.m. goes down as one very special day for me. It was a Saturday, sunny yet not hot. I was surrounded by my kids, Alex, my sister, my nephews, my best friend and my future husband.
That was the day we married.
He was already mine, I was already his, we just made it official
I didn't want a big wedding, I just wanted those people there, I'm so glad, so very happy that that is what I received.
