Personal History #3

Personal History 3: Write about your mom? What would you like people to know?

My mom.  She was a free spirit.  She lived her life not really thinking of consequences or concerning herself with what ifs and for that I totally admire and adore her.  

My mom probably didn't have the easiest of lives.  Her father abandoned her mom, my nanny after World War 2.  My nanny married a wonderful man after a time (my granddad) but I have to think it must of impacted her.  

My mom had an older brother, John.  A sister Maureen, who passed away when I was very young and a younger brother Martin.  

My mom married very, very young to her first husband Brian.  I think she was 16 or 17 at the time.  She had 2 son from this marriage, Kevin and Christopher.  I am not sure what happened, and I am only guessing on the time line of events but at some point things got rocky for the couple.  My mom met someone else and got pregnant with my brother Ian.  My mom and Brian separated, my mom had custody of the boys for a little bit, I know she stated they struggled financially and things were very difficult for her.  This I believe because what happened next, given the fact that my mom is forever in my mind as the most amazing mom ever, had to be the most difficult thing she has ever done. 

My mom gave Brian custody of Kevin and Christopher.  Brian got a job offer in Australia and took the boys from England to Australia.  I know this was heartbreaking for my mom. But what she did next broke her a little.  She gave Ian up for adoption.  My mom told me for the next 25 years that she lost a baby at childbirth and would always tear up on New Years Eve because that was his birthday.  It wasn't until the last year of her life that I found out I had another brother, that's a post for another time.

At some point after giving up her children, she met a man named Gus.  She fell in love and got pregnant with my sister Michaela or Mickey.  Things didn't pan out with Gus, he was stationed back in the US and was actually planning for my mom and Mickey to come be with him when she met my dad and ended up married to him.   She had my brother Carl and later me.  

My mom and dad divorced but not before she moved to the states from England.  My dad had custody of my brother and my mom had custody of me.  My mom met Jody and married him.  It was not an easy start to their marriage and I often resented him because there was a lot of fighting in the first few years of the marriage.  My mom is a little bit of a spit fire though, I can't say she probably didn't provoke or instigate the many arguments.  

Life moved on, my mom got older.  Life became less dramatic, she worked hard for not a lot of money.  She struggled financially most of her life.  And although we had a modest single wide trailer, it was homey.

My mom most days could be seen sitting in the kitchen with a cigarette reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle.  She was an avid reader.  

My mom loved a clean home, even now the smell of bleach triggers sweet memories of my mom.  

For me, she was the epitome of love.  I had no doubt, not a shred of hesitation that I was loved, that I had a home when I was in her presence.  That she would fight for me, protect me and be there for me in anyway possible.  I felt secure in this world as long as I had her in it. 

In 1999 my step dad collapsed with septicemia from not taking all his antibiotic after receiving dental work.  It was touch and go for a long while but eventually he was allowed to come home and my mom took care of him, she was working full time and raising her grandson Ben (Mickeys son - she had been killed in 1989 by a drunk driver) at the time as well.  Sometime in 2000 she collapsed.  At first doctors questioned whether she was a closet alcoholic or drug user, which was insane and insulting.  My mom rarely drank and told me she had tried pot once in her life and didn't like the way it made her feel so she never tried it again.  Her vice was smoking cigarettes.  Once I got the doctors to look past their initial theory and do more testing, that is when the brain tumor to her brain stem was found.  

My mom went in for surgery to have it removed, unfortunately it was suspected that the tumor was in her brain for a long length of time (like from childhood) due to the veins and arteries running through it and they were unable to remove all of the tumor.  My mom came home and started radiation therapy. It was at this time that I moved home to take care of her and my step dad. Ben left and moved back to his fathers.   

It was at this time my mom and I had loads of conversations about her life.  She finally told me about Ian.  Ian had gone to the adoption agency and this allowed my mom to receive letters from him and talk to him on the phone.  

My mom passed away in May of 2001. The tumor grew back with a vengeance after my the stress of my step dads passing in March of that year and my mom collapsed shortly afterward.  She was brought home on hospice and for the last weeks of her life she was non responsive with a glazed look on her face.  The day she passed, part of my heart was forever broken, my world forever askew, my existence has never quite been the same.

That is what I want people to know about my mother.  

She could forever change you just by knowing her.  It wasn't just me either.  It was all who truly felt her love.  They were affected.  She was a presence... a hot blooded, quick tempered southern british speaking blonde that loved fiercely and stood her ground no matter what.  I so wish my boys could have met her, she would have loved them so much.  I know I will see her again, I know she watches over me still.