Zoned out

Well I have been zoned out for a while now, it all started when I made the calender for December last week. We have one of those dry erase calenders and so I was planning my month like I do every month. As I was filling in all the things happening this month, I realized that Josh would be gone in 4 weeks! Four weeks, four weeks until he is gone for a whole year. I must have been in some type of denial phase because this has come along WAY too fast. I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can be basically a single mom for the next year. What am I going to do!! And the kids, the boys without their dad is going to be horrible, and poor Josh who is really got the raw end of the deal, leaving the kids, hs wife and fighting for our country... I can only imagine.
So needless to say, I've been out of it, I haven't really been functioning properly lately, I've been in a haze or something. I realized it today when I looked at my calender again and realized that I have done nothing this week, I've done stuff like babysit and watched TV, but basically nothing else really. Definetly no prayers or scriptures or things with the kids. so my new resolve is going to try to stop being so depressed and make myself be in a better mood and when Josh does leave, I'm going to really try to be the best mom I can be for the boys!!