So most of ya'll know Josh is gone and the kids and I are for the most part doing just fine, their's the occasional and normal difficuties with the kids behavior and outburst at sometimes inconvient times but none the less, life is for the most part normal.
Having written that, I'm terrified, absolutely petrified every second of every day, that something is going to happen to my husband. While sleeping, I dream about it, while doing laundry I'm on the verge of tears just putting his clothes away. I ofcourse can't let the kids see me cry or break down because what would they think, ofcourse being kids they would think something horrible has or will happen and I don't want them to feel that way, just because I have this overactive imagination that I'm cursed, that people I really love die, that something is going to happen to Josh...
here are the facts though, 2 sisters, all grandparents including step grandparents except 1 are gone, mom, dad, and step dad, passed away. With the exception of very few people I don't have much family left, Josh and my kids are mine and I worry, needlessly all the time for them.
so there it is, everyone keeps asking how I am, well I'm a mess really, but I'm trying to hold it together.
you know i really wish that i had some kind of inspiring insight to make you not worry lik you do, but who am i to talk when i do the exact same thing, i dont think that there are many people that have been through what we have and still stayed as sane as we have, but that which doesnt kill us makes us stonger right? well thats what we are told anyway, and i think there is at least a part truth to that, b/c we are still here still hanging on, pushing through life as best we know how, i know how you worry and how much this is driving you nuts but you know that i am only a phone call away day night middle of the night, whenever it dont matter to me just pick up the phone and i'll listen to you !!!! and do my best to make you feel better !!! i love you and know how strong you and i know that you will be ok and so will josh, he'll be home soon enough and you'll be back to wanting to strangle him for the stupid little stuff he does !!! love you !!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. Know that I am here for you if you ever need it. I can't even imagine how you must feel. I send you my prayers.
ReplyDeleteShi
So even though things are difficult. Doing laundry brings tears. Dreams are terrifying. And there many a sleepless night. You must remember, that God know you!!! Isn't that interesting? He knows you, he knows your righteous heart. He know your mother heart! He can protect you from these things and bring comfort to your soul.
ReplyDeleteMandy, you are a great woman! A woman of strength, stamina, and "smart." You have friends that pray for you and your husband. And because of your righteousness, God is watching over you!
God Bless Mandy!
love,
Andrea
I love you Mandy! Stay strong. You will get through this. A year will go by before you know it. I can't believe a year has gone by and Seth is alread one. Focus on the good even though it is hard. Try not to think about death or dying. I've had depression before so I know that can be a difficult thing to do. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. I will pray for you and your family, and specifically for the protection of Josh and you and your boys. Cragen was so cute on Sunday. He fell asleep sitting up. We laid him on the floor and then he slept through all of class time and primary. If there is anything I can do to help let me know. Randy and I want to have you and the boys over for dinner. I will call you and we can set up a night that works best for you and your schedule. Or if you need a night off from the kids then I can babysit them so you can get homework done. Just let me know and don't be afraid to ask. Its not a big deal at all!
ReplyDelete