20 year anniversary

On August 12, 1995, I married my best friend.  As I sit back 20 years later, I think of all the good times and the bad and the funny and the sad.  I'm wonderfully blessed to have met this beautiful man, and extremely lucky that he loves me as much as I love him.  Although circumstances didn't allow us to celebrate our anniversary like I would have liked to, it was still a wonderful evening spent with a absolutely wonderful man.  

Starting Middle School

Cregan started the 6th grade!   He has a locker and is now in the band.  He changes classes and wants to try to join the student council!!  When did this happen?? When did my baby boy turn old enough for this?!  I can't wait to see what this guy ends up becoming, he is amazing in each and every way, except OFCOURSE unless he is yelling, beating up or criticizing his younger brother.

Concerts

I love concerts, there's something about seeing someone singing live that is magical to me.  I don't know if it's the energy of the crowd and being part of that or just the mere fact that I'm seeing some of my favorite songs sung by some of my favorite singers...who knows.  But not everyone shares my love of concerts, one of those people is my husband. In fact everytime I try to talk him into going to a concert he says, why? I can just turn on my music and listen to them and not have to be around all those people.  

So I'm extremely lucky that I have good friends that share my love of concerts and will go with me!  This year I've been to 2 excellent concerts and secretly hoping there will be even more concerts before the end of 2015.  The first concert was in Cincinnati to see the Zac Brown Band, and they were great!  I love country music again, primarily because of that band.  I went with my good friends Angel and Dana (and her boyfriend).  So much fun!

The next concert I went to was a week later and surprised me in that it quickly became my all time favorite concert to date.  My good friend Sophie really wanted to go see the Rolling Stones and I primarily agreed just so I could hang with her.  Kid Rock was the opening act and I love him, in fact at one point he had the audience all on our feet.  He was playing a patriot song and said, I love this country and I'm proud to be an American, and I'd like to introduce to you the most decorated member of the military, the man who killed Osama Bin Laden, it was unexpected but chilling at the same time!  After Kid Rock came the main act, and Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were A-Mazing!!  That is even tonght of a word, it was so great!   To make the concert even better, it was outside at OSU football stadium called the shoe.  There were fireworks and lighting, there are just no words!  

I'm outta here

My sweet middle child, he is curious and perceptive and smart and loving and kind of a know it all, on an adorable way of course and now he is an official Middle Schooler!  Wow!  

Emerson Magnet School does what they call a "clap out".   The last day of school the entire front of the school is covered with posters that parents hAve made for their kids.  Then around 3 o'clock, all the younger children come on to the back playground and the parents who want to attend as well and then they have the 5th graders come out by class, all of them are wearing white tshirts with the name of their middle school they will be attending the following school year.   It's pretty emotional and touching, the children will come forward and are clapped out by the other students.   They got to come forward and saw what memory they liked best from this year.     Cregans memory was Biz Town.    And....P.S. He wants to be a lawyer!

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day and as always it's a bittersweet holiday for me.  I love being a mom, it's been the most fulfilling, yet most difficult thing I've ever done.  However not having my own mom around, it's as if I'm missing something (part of my heart) and most days I don't realize it, I go about my daily life not thinking of the saddeness I feel but then annually Mother's Day comes around and WHAM there's the slap of reality and I'm suddenly overcome with heart ache.  

I realize that I was fortunate in that I call my mom one of my best friends, I told her everything about my life, she was a great listener, and an amazing mom.  So when the day rolls around, I withdrawal a little from others, I don't mean to but I realize I do.   It's still after all these years a tender moment for me.  

Happy Mother's Day mom

Spring break

Sometimes you plan trips, you have a destination in mind and you meticulously plan it out, each detail...at least I do.  

Josh, however, is a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy, some call that spontaneous, I call it nerve racking...

For spring break, we had planned a brief trip to Georgia, but upon a weak moment, I let my control guard down and Josh swooped in with his spontaneously, clever self and cracked my control freak shell as only he can after all these years and so after 15 minute warning, we were calling and reserving a house on the beach of North Carolina.  And within hours of that we were packed and gone for a 11 hour trip. 

I can honestly tell you it was the best place for our family to be at the time.  We needed the sun, sand, and separation from life for a little while.  

 

When it rains...

..it pours.   Last week was beautiful, Josh decided to clean the garage.  I was cleaning the house and taking the kids to see a play.  Just a normal weekend really.  Josh decided to tear the wall between the two garages, someone years earlier had built a 1/2 wall, not weight bearing or anything, so it should have been easy, right?? 

I got a call from josh to come home that he needed my help.  This is Josh...he never, ever asks for help.    So I rush home, pull into the garage and see from the front of my house...the back of my house... The back wall of the garage was gone!  Rotted apparently... Josh found the culprit to the rotting.  A gutter hadn't been hooked correctly and rain had drained down Cregans window and down the garage.  The wood and window had to be replaced, as well as siding and insulation...ugh... So like I said when it rains, it literally pours...in my house.

 

Great sadness

I have known great sadness in my life.  The loss of two of my sisters before turning 20, the loss of my parents before turning 30.   With such sadness at so young, I have always found it hard to cry in my life now.  I'm not opposed to crying, I just felt 'all cried out' per say.  That was ofcouse before a couple of weeks ago. 

A couple of weeks ago, I realized that my boy was sick, and not something I could fix with a bandaid and a kiss.  But sick in his mind, he was diagnosed with depression and sent to stay with strangers for further evaluation while I, him mom, the person that adored him could only visit him for 15 minutes a day.  

My heart felt like it was breaking the first night I left him, I literally felt heart pain, my chest tightened and I couldn't breath, tears stung my eyes and I couldn't make them stop.  Each day I visited and each day I felt the same loss of my heart upon leaving.  I cried myself to sleep at night, I cried while doing laundry, while driving, showering, everywhere and all the time.  

After what seemed like an eternity for me and more than likely for him as well, my heart, my son was discharged and brought home.  My husband and I now take turns sleeping in the same room with him each night.  We have taken our recliner in there so that we can be comfortable and he can be safe.  His journey of recovery and understanding about depression will be a long road.  One that is more than likely going to have a lot of hills and valleys, but we all will persevere, because I now know, I'd never known great sadness until the day I almost thought I'd lost my child. 

I've learned a few things...

Raising 3 boys, I have learned a few things:

1.  The volume of a house of boys is infinetly louder than a house of girls or even a mixer of boys and girls.  I don't know the exact reason for this, but when boys speak, they do so to be heard.  So, imagine all 3 speaking at once, one louder than the next and you'll get the idea.  

2.  I can put no value on anything.  As a mom of boys, I decided long ago to either not pull out anything I don't mind being broken or lost and to not put too much value on items that can't be put away.  Children are rough on toys, clothing and shoes but boys are rough on everything.  They jump off couches and beds, they run into side tables and desks, they drop laptops, and break mirrors.  This is my life...ever replacing or salvaging items around the house. 

3.  Tape works for most things.  I have learned tape is all purpose, you can tape up the chair legs that someone broke, or tape the back of the remote control so the back doesn't keep popping off.  I have even taped up shoes before, just because I refused to buy new shoes one more time that school year with only 1 week to go...so tape to the rescue! 

4.  Fighting isnt really fighting.  Growing up with sisters, we could be catty and say nasty things to eachother but fighting (physically) never happened.  In a house of boys, fighting is an everyday occurrence.  Head locks and slapping someone across the head, even a punch is usually all done before breakfast.   This isn't generally fighting, as much as it's more of a bonding, brotherly exchange.  Real fights do happen of course, but boys are always "beating eachother up."

5.  Weeds may grow slower than boys.  Boys eat and they eat ALOT. They are in a constant state of being hungry and you want to know why?  It's because they are growing ALL THE TIME.   My advice for children of young boys, don't buy any back to school clothes for you children until the week or days before... Why?  Because they may or probably will outgrow the clothing and shoes before school even starts.  Pants are forever getting too small or too short.   I have limits on how many shoes I'll buy in a school year, I just do, I know it sounds mean, but 4 is my limit, if school ends and you have outgrown your 4th pair of shoes, you will be squeezing into them until summer... 

6.   Boys love their mama.  I have no doubt that for this brief moment in time, that I'm the center of my youngest child's world, the complete love and adoration you get as a mom from your boys (that is until they discover girls) is amazing.  They snuggle and give the best hugs.  They hold your hand and tell you the best stories.  

Being a mom to 3 boys isn't without its challenges, however the priceless memories I have overshadow the constant noise, and broken house I live in today.  

Winter...again

It's that time of year again, you know the time I hate so much... Winter!  I hate that we have to wear layers of clothes, I'm not advocating wearing skimpy Daisy Dukes or anything, but when you live up north in winter months, you are wearing gloves, hats, scarves, undershirts, sweaters, fur lined boots and jackets.  And, no, I'm not exaggerating.   And when you finally get your car warmed up enough to go somewhere and get to the place you got bundled up for, you have to spend 5 minutes removing all the above mentioned items or else take the chance of burning up, and even then you may be sweating because stores and jobs have their heat so high to compensate for the frigid temperatures outside.  

How I miss flip flops and sundresses.... Not to knock all the people that love winter, my husband and boys are included in that, but I long for warmer weather, longer days, and the simplicity of just walking outside getting in my car and leaving with out all the time and trouble that I have to deal with during these months...