Great sadness

I have known great sadness in my life.  The loss of two of my sisters before turning 20, the loss of my parents before turning 30.   With such sadness at so young, I have always found it hard to cry in my life now.  I'm not opposed to crying, I just felt 'all cried out' per say.  That was ofcouse before a couple of weeks ago. 

A couple of weeks ago, I realized that my boy was sick, and not something I could fix with a bandaid and a kiss.  But sick in his mind, he was diagnosed with depression and sent to stay with strangers for further evaluation while I, him mom, the person that adored him could only visit him for 15 minutes a day.  

My heart felt like it was breaking the first night I left him, I literally felt heart pain, my chest tightened and I couldn't breath, tears stung my eyes and I couldn't make them stop.  Each day I visited and each day I felt the same loss of my heart upon leaving.  I cried myself to sleep at night, I cried while doing laundry, while driving, showering, everywhere and all the time.  

After what seemed like an eternity for me and more than likely for him as well, my heart, my son was discharged and brought home.  My husband and I now take turns sleeping in the same room with him each night.  We have taken our recliner in there so that we can be comfortable and he can be safe.  His journey of recovery and understanding about depression will be a long road.  One that is more than likely going to have a lot of hills and valleys, but we all will persevere, because I now know, I'd never known great sadness until the day I almost thought I'd lost my child.