Collin turns 16 this year

 This year Collin turned 16.  It's almost unbelievable that how quickly life has flown by, it seems like just yesterday that I was holding this little baby in my arms and singing songs to him and now he towers over me and is taking drivers lessons.  

For his birthday we had some of Collin's friends cove over, I made cake and cotton candy and the kids/young adults played games together.  

Cregan's Graduation

 

This year another graduation happened!  3 years in a row, Clayton, Alex and now Cregan

It's hard to believe that he has graduated school, time slips by faster with each passing year.  

I remember, in what feels like the blink of the eye, when I got called into Emerson Elementary for a special conference where I was told Cregan was behind on all his subjects and on the verge of failing.  The teacher suggested testing him for ADHD and I was mildly annoyed but did as she asked and had him evaluated.  As I completed the paperwork and questions for his appointment, I noticed he met all the criteria.  He was diagnosed and put on vivanyse.  

Cregan was the poster child for medication helping a child, he went from failing to blossoming and then excelling.  He would read Stephen king or Shakespeare or whatever he could get his hands on.  

When he graduated he received the Presidental Award for maintaining his GPA throughout high school.  

He often stuns me on how much he holds in his brain, mostly now he maintains his knowledge base from watching YouTube (not the most accurate of information finding) but he still reads books and is wicked smart.

I know he can do great things in this world if he chooses to and I'm so very proud to be his mom.

Mother Day

 Mother's Day is always bitter sweet for me.  I lost my mom in 2001, the same year I became I mom.  I was pregnant with Clayton, swollen ankles, waddling posture while burying my mom and step dad.  It was a horrific time, but the moment I held my baby boy in my arms, all my trauma of loss only a few month earlier, all the moments when I felt I just could not bear to be in this world without my mom in it too, all the fear of how was I going to handle this life without my mom, was instantly washed away.  I looked at this beautiful boy and just knew, right away, that I was his mom, and he would know he was loved.  

I miss my mom, even now, 21 years later, I ache to hear her voice telling me how much she loved me, to feel her arms wrapped around me securing me in my place in the world.  Also, I know I was lucky enough to have a perfect example of what a mom should be for 26 years!  I knew I was loved unconditionally, I call myself very lucky to have her as long as I did.  

I hope I can be that type of mom to my 3 boys, because each one of my boys is so very loved by their mom.  And I'm so very lucky to be their mom!  Happy heavenly Mother's Day Mom

One very special day

 August 14, 2021, around 10a.m. goes down as one very special day for me.  It was a Saturday, sunny yet not hot.  I was surrounded by my kids, Alex, my sister, my nephews, my best friend and my future husband.    

That was the day we married. 

He was already mine, I was already his, we just made it official

I didn't want a big wedding, I just wanted those people there, I'm so glad, so very happy that that is what I received.   

Alex's graduation

 Alex graduated from High School and because of Covid all the seats were spread across the high school football field.  The school is huge anyways but seeing all these kids laid out from one side of the field to almost the next was overwhelming.  Alex was easily spotted early on from our seats.  He is so tall.  We waited as the ceremony speakers gave their talks and we started to notice something from the stands, beach balls...  Some of the students had snuck in beach balls, blew them up and were throwing them around the football field and even into the stands where the parents were sitting.  It was a irreverent distraction to the graduation.  But finally Alex stood and received his diploma, we hooped and hollered as parents do, we are so proud of him.  He is attending Columbus State in the hall, he has already taken several college credit classes online already and is very close to receiving his Associate's Degree already.  The future is bright and I hope you are ready world, because here comes Alex Schaber!!

Kalhari Waterpark

 Last week we had our first vacation in over a year!  We took the week of spring break off and booked a couple of nights at Kalhari indoor water park.  Years earlier I had gone here with the boys, they were little and we tagged along with Crystal and Matt and their kids when Josh was in Iraq.  I remember how much fun it was, it proved not to disappoint this time either.  

We got there and had booked a 2 room suite.  With 3 kids and a blended family, I wanted to make sure everyone had there space.  And they did.  We checked out the arcade, got them all set up with their own arcade cards, walked around and Bob and I went to the water park and the hot tub.  It is an indoor/outdoor hot tub and it was cold that first night, it was so wonderful seating in that warm water watching the stars.  

Came back to the room, the boys had hooked up electronics to their tv, of course.  But we ended up playing a couple of rounds of cards (Bum) and called it a night. 

The next day, we hit the buffet and the water park.  And although the boys spent a whole lot less time than I assumed they would, I know they enjoyed the water, especially the lazy river.   The life guards probably didn't enjoy them, but they did.

Later that day, we ate a great dinner at the Italian restaurant there and then hit the arcade.  We had done the escape room too earlier that day.  But we had bowling, miniature golf and countless other things to chose from.  

Everyone one hit it big at the arcade in one way or another. Bob and I worked on getting the Willy Wonka collection. Cregan was hitting up some machine where he hit 2000 tickets at one point.  Alex met a girl and Collin is just along for the ride.  

The final day we waited for 2 hours for the kids to get their prizes from the arcade and traveled home.  Thursday we rested, we were just worn, slap out.   It was a great mini vacation.    

2020 recap

The year 2020 was just... weird.  I remember first hearing about this unknown virus with the name of a beer and thinking to myself, "that's pretty interesting, glad it's not here, I'm sure it'll pass in no time."  Then cases came to the Europe, concerning for sure.  Then cases came to the US... and well you had my attention.  

Next thing you know, there was cases in Ohio and the numbers kept growing and growing, the whole world shut down.  Well mostly, many of us had to go to work each day, the "essential workers".  But the kids didn't they stayed home and everything went online.  Masks became mandatory, people would walk on the other side of the road if you went for a walk.    Cough around anyone and you were seen as if you had the plague.  

 Slowly life began to have some semblance of normality, or rather a new sense of normal.  No graduation for Clayton, but a drive thru type graduation.  No vacation, but we had stock pile of toilet paper because there was a shortage everywhere you went.   

Work was hard, stressful.  Now required to wear a mask, shield or goggles, gloves and gown at visits.  Being swabbed weekly if not more so for rapid tests to get into nursing homes for Covid.  Not being able to hug my patients and there family members when all they needed was a hug.  Having nurses jobs be reallocated or laid off which increased the work for everyone else.  

The kids started school online in August 2020.  Slowly they came out with a vaccine and slowly numbers are going down.  Kids are back in school now.  There's news of a variant strand, there's news of the vaccine not remaining effective for long amounts of time.  There's news numbers are going back up, for whatever reason, maybe because people are tired of social distancing and masking.  They are tired of the constant demands placed on them.  Either way, I don't think many will be able to not remember 2020, and to not be glad to see the end of it and the new year 2021.  

Engagement

December 23rd, 2017, I met this very handsome, distinguished gray headed man with lots of style.  He had sent me a message on Match about 3 weeks prior and we quickly exchanged phone numbers, which turned into countless texts, phone calls and facetimes.  When I finally met Bob in person, I felt I already knew him pretty darn well but was so pleasantly surprised that I really, really liked him more than I could imagine.  We took it slowly... he lived an hour away, so we saw each other on weekends and talked on the phone every single day and night.  So, when we talked into moving in with each other it was a natural progression of our relationship.  But long before when we first started dating, Bob had said he wasn't going to get remarried, he said I've been married twice and I don't want to have to go through that again.  I would always reply with understanding.  I knew it had to be hard on him.  I told him, if he wanted to marry me, that he had to want it, not because I pressured him into anything.  If he was marrying me, it was for the long haul, for the forever.  Not for this death do you part crap, he was either haunting me, or I was haunting him, because neither of us want to spend forever without the other.  

Fast forward almost 3 years, he took me back to the same Starbucks that we met at in 2017.  It was closed, due to Covid.  It was raining outside and I could sense his frustration, I just assumed he wanted a coffee.  He didn't.  He wanted me to be his wife.  I hope to make him the happiest man in the world, in the universe, in the galaxy because, he tries every single day to make sure I am.  

My Clayton

My Clayton, my oldest forever baby, graduated this year.  Clayton has no idea how wanted and needed he was by me.  His dad and I tried for many years to have a baby, I had pretty much given up when one Thanksgiving back in 2000 everything smelled awful/rancid.  Later that week, I felt car sick when driving back from the movies.  A couple of pregnancy tests later, I knew I was pregnant with my little miracle.

9 months later when he arrived into the world, my life had been altered in a very drastic way.  My step dad, Jody and my mom had passed away within 2 months from each other and I felt lost and alone in a way I'd never felt before.  Then this wonderful, beautiful, magical, sweet little 9 pound, 6ounce baby came into my life.  Perhaps at the darkest part of my life at the time, I had the greatest joy.  

Fast forward several, several years and you have this wonderful young man, finding himself in this vast world with so much to learn and already knowing so much.  I love you my darling one.  Always, always, always.. I love you.

Blending familes

When my marriage ended I had no idea that it would be one of the greatest things to happen to me.  Clearly at the time it was devastating and I went to a pretty destructive place, however looking back as only time can, I realize how unhappy I was and I now know how happy I can be.  In April, Bob and I closed on a house and moved in together, blending our lives even more and taking our kids with us.

It was a hard decision at first, a huge one actually.  I was apprehensive of such a big move in both our relationship and literally with moving away from Mt Vernon and moving my boys to a different school.  Not being married is of course huge too, and I know many were surprised I made the decision to move in, unmarried, with my boyfriend.  (I'm sure I have been the topic of many the conversation for my scandalous decision).  But this move was a very big move for us both, we were both very much excited and understandably nervous having both been through divorces around the same time with long term spouses.

And even though my oldest man-boy wasn't coming with me, (Clayton lives with his dad and it's his senior year so I get that).  It was such a great decision.  I knew Bob was an attentive, amazing man before but over the past several months, that has been reconfirmed several 1000 times over.  The boys even though they had to change school have both tried things they would have never tried prior.  Collin tried football and Cregan tried wrestling, all the boys get along and Alex is just one of my boys, and the boys are all just brothers.

The house, the home I thought I would grow old in was sold to some friends that I've known for many, many years and I'm so glad they will build memories there.  The purchase freed up some of Josh's obligations, and he has since purchased a home too.  Bob and I bought a beautiful home that we have been able to put our own touches on, and I love it so much more than I thought I could.

This is what life does... it gives us lemons sometimes and from those lemons we can pucker up or we can add some sweetness to it and enjoy the heck out of that lemonade.  And I'm so enjoying my lemonade of life....