Venting

What is wrong with me?? I am so angry at EVERYTHING today... I woke up in just one of those moods, you know the one, when you are thinking evil, mean-spirited things, except in my case, I actually expressed how I felt. Josh got an ear full from the get go this morning and it has gotten progressively worse throughout the day, I am so angry at him. The poor guy, I don't know why I'm being so mean, I just don't like him today for some reason.

I know there is always the PMS factor, but in my case, it is targeted 100% to Josh and so I'm almost thinking it isn't PMS for that reason. My other theory is that it's because Josh is leaving and I'm feeling resentment towards him for leaving me for a year, raising our children, taking care of the house, etc, etc. Another possibility that Kayla mentioned was that I may putting up defense mechanisms up so that I won't be hurt when he does leave. I don't know what it is, but I hate feeling like this, I hate saying spiteful things to him, giving him nasty looks, I just can't stand being like this!

I know what you are thinking, well don't be that way, and I'm making an effort not too, I just seem to say things before thinking, before my body can stop me!!

So I'm going to list the positives of Josh and hopefully this will help with my dilema

1. Good dad (he's been working outside on there treehouse all day)
2. Hard worker (he works all the time, and goes to school and does side jobs just so I don't have to work)
3. Supportive (he goes to church every Sunday eventhough he'd rather not)
4. Generous (he is always helping others)

OK, that helps, I am going to dig deep inside and find some peace, breath in breath out, I'm really going to try!!